Coming out #2 – my tattoo – And then: am I now a good manager? And a good father? Or: what can you learn about success?

I already had a coming out. No, it wasn’t revealed that I was gay then, I am stil not and I will not be in this life (never say never, but I think: no, you will not read an article like that from me) 🙂

So: yes, I now got a tattoo.

I had already one in the middle of my back before, that’s a completely different story, personal and also quite exciting and deep.

Well, this is the new tattoo: now it’s really serious, big – and irreversible.

On my entire left arm, from the shoulder down.

It has been in the works for about 1 month. 1 month ago, we started with my forearm, then my tattoo girl went home.

She just came back. It did not hurt at the start but I had 3 sittings this week – by the end it really started to be painful.

You have nerves in your arms in places you wouldn’t even think about.

And: the torture officers stand to win against humanity – yes: after a while: your willpower – runs out (there is also an article about this in my blog). Well: during the week: I got exhausted by the end:  I either talked, worked or read a book while getting this tattoo – but in the last day in the last 3 hours: I remained quite silent.

But how: yet: why did I get it? And: does that make me a bad person now?

Am I crazy? Am I still OK?

Did it worth it?

“What will people say?” “Will this make me a good leader or boss in the future?”

Well.

Then let’s learn a few things together. We seem to be starting from afar, but we can quickly learn a lot about success in life – and ourselves.

Who is a good leader?

Eric Barker: Barking up the wrong tree is a really good book.

It is about success – in reality: what you believe and what makes people successful in life in reality.

Who will be more successful? The well behaving ones or the addicts?

Do good boys really finish always last?

Will you find the person to love?

Is it good to work a lot or do you need to find work-life-balance?

A few things from the 1st chapter, closely related to me getting a tattoo.

Were all millionaires good at school?

First, not all millionaires were good students. No! Of the 400 richest Americans, 58 didn’t even graduate from college – and their average wealth is 68% higher than that of the rest.

However: what will be revealed later: if you study well, you are more likely to become a millionaire… and no, I will not make excuses about “the best business school in the world where I graduated with high honors”: that is a personal story: because in Hungary it bothered me that college went really well , but I didn’t excel – so I had to prove to myself that I would be in one of the best schools in the world. And done. But: no, I wasn’t there either – rule follower. No, I didn’t seed. I say no. I didn’t die of learning. Not at all.

Filtered and unfiltered managers

There are 2 types of managers according to the book:

• Filtered
• Unfiltered

The pre-selected or classic leader worked his way through the ranks, proving himself several times until he reached the position. In British politics, the pre-selected leader is Neville Chamberlain, whose talent has qualified him for the post of Prime Minister through many years of work. He was fit to be prime minister and his contemporaries thought so too.

In our case, Winston Churchill was born out of necessity. He become a leader at a critical moment after a career full of non-typical classic political successes. Churchill became a leader in a turbulent time when average merit did not count. He took advantage of the situation and, like Chamberlain, became prime minister.

The difference between the two types of leaders is shown in the book through various examples (pirates, gang members, soldiers).

Out of the latter are those who are weird, don’t follow the rules and many other things that will come soon.

In a word: they transform systems and industries – they are the real “revolutionary” leaders, they are the entrepreneurs who start new types of companies and industries.

Success: bad and good genes?

Before we moving on to my tattoo, let’s talk a little more about the book.

Alcoholic, violent, distracted – would you like it?

There is a gene that makes you more likely to become an alcoholic or violent. Would you like a gene like this? Well?

Oh, and it even causes ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). And now?

This is the DRD4 gene. There is a variant of this called DRD4-7R – the latter is responsible for these deviations.

You don’t want a 7R do you?

Well: recently, geneticists no longer classify these gene variants in the same way as before. It’s not “bad” or “good”.

The call them: “intensifiers”. By no mistake.

It depends on the environment what will happen to the unlucky or lucky one who has it.

There is a Swedish saying: some children are dandelions, others are orchids.

Dandelion – grows anywhere and is average.

Orchid needs special environment and care.

Children with DRD4-7R: if they grow up in the right environment: there is a good chance they will become “unfiltered” leaders or experts. Revolutionaries. They are eccentric. They are out of line.

Of course, this gene is just one example – there are quite a few more.

A criminal – or a top executive?

The CHRM2 gene: if you are born with it in the wrong place, there is a very good chance that you will become a criminal. If in the right place: a top leader.

Children with the 5-HTTLPR gene variant and dominant parents cheat many times more often – while those with caring and non-dominant parents will follow the rules better than average.

Dandelions and orchids

Dandelions can live anywhere.

Orchids – they are much more sensitive to everything: when good things happen to them: they are much happier, learn better, write poems, run companies, become entrepreneurs.

If they are bad: there is a much greater chance that they will become convicts, alcohol addicts, depressed – all of these at the same time or one of them. If you don’t take care of orchids, they wither and die. If you take care of them – they are amazingly beautiful.

A small correction of evolution theory

Thomas J. Bochard and Wendy Johnshon are two professors of biology. They named orchids as hopeful monsters: children with unusual gene variants.

Based on them, Richard Goldschmidt claimed that Darwin was almost right, but not completely: evolution is not always slow. Sometimes a gene variant appears and results in a huge change.

The gnome

Think of a person with short legs, long arms and large palms, whose upper body is too long. Almost a gnome, isn’t he?

Who is he?

He became a member of the Olympic team at the age of 15. Then … He won the most Olympic golds. the 28th. That’s quite a lot. Michael Phelps.

He was born a hopeful monster. He just had to fall into the pool like a child. He needed his parents for that. The rest has gone by itself.

Let’s play on the piano

Glenn Gloud was a hypochondriac from childhood. He always traveled with a suitcase of pills. He canceled 30% of his concerts. He always wore gloves. And even in summer you found him in a warm jacket because he was cold. He was in bed at 6 in the morning. He got up in the afternoon.

If he considered a flight “unlucky” – he didn’t get on it.

In the last 9 months of his life, he had a phone bill of $13,000 because he only met people on the phone. We could list his eccentricities for long.

He was a lucky man: his father spent 3,000 dollars a year on his musical training because he discovered his talent. This amount was twice the annual salary at the time.

Well, he was one of the greatest pianists of the 20th century. He played Bach many times, even the most difficult pieces, with ease.

Some other misfits

Who finds bombs on the map?

The Israeli army needed people who could quickly detect improvised explosive devices on satellite images. They searched in vain for a long time. Then they found it in the autistics. For them: it worked. Easily. They noticed things “misaligned” on the map.

Are we spending too much time trying to be “good”? Yes. In order for something to change, you have to get out of line.

According to John Stuart Mill: “The greatest danger of our time is that today so few dare to be eccentric”

Steve Jobs at Pixar: “give me the black sheep”

In 2000, Steve Jobs was anxious at the head of Pixar. Because they already had several good films, but they got stuck. They didn’t know how to proceed. After several successful films – what else could come?

“Give me the black sheep. The artists who are frustrated. The ones who do things in a way that no one has ever listened to.”

Then, with less money than at any time before, they made a film with 3x as many sets and everything that was previously said to be impossible in an animated movie.

The title of the film was also similar: The incredibles. It brought the studio $600 million and an Oscar.

Often the people – with whom it is a nightmare to work with – are out of line – the ones who fundamentally change the world.

How to recognize a creative person? What about bad kids?

According to research, creative people are: arrogant, dishonest, not always organized. As a child, he is a worse student because he has behavioral problems, which some teachers “reward” with lower grades.

In fact. They tried to educate children who behaved not that well – and for those who succeeded: they earned much less later than those who could not be “educated“.

My personal story: there was a text in my primary school certificate: “we do not recommend his admission to any high school in Hungary.” We applied to several places, but at that time the anything written in your certificate was saint. Even though I had very good grades – no high school accepted me. On 29th of August 2 days before the schoolyear started, my mother and I waited for the director of school to talk to me at one of the high schools. Mom – was just like that: she took me in. She had no other chance. The director then: gave me one chance. I graduated with high honors. Side-info: half a day after I got kicked in the head during a karate practice and having spent the night in the hospital.

Would you recrurit me?

Moreover, a study showed that creativity is inversely proportional to the result of employee evaluation. Creative people are less likely to be promoted. The strategy of praising the boss is better than coming up with ideas. Scary? It is.

Although: the average is good – but if you need to create a new product, enter a new market, if you need to grow beyond the market average, or if you want to change yourself: the average is not enough.

The head of BBDO, one of the world’s largest marketing agencies, said: “When your head is in the freezer and your feet are in the oven, your average temperature is going to be pretty good. I’m always wary of average.”

How about the “mentally ill”?

Keith Simonton found that mildly creative people are mentally healthier than the average.

But extremely creative people – suffer from mental illnesses much more often than the average.

Let’s note: these are things that society classifies as: “sickness” / “disorder”.

ADD

People with ADD are much more creative.

Neuroticism, impulsivitiy

There is a clear correlation between humor, neuroticism and psychopathy. Impulsivity is generally a negative trait. It leads to crime. Meg: for much greater creativity.

Psychopath

Psychopathy? A common characteristic of the best creative artists and the best American presidents. Scary? Well, is it?

Maniacs

Energy bomb? Sleeps little? Risk taking? Can’t stand fools? Confident? Ambitious? Driven and cannot rest?

These are common characteristics of Silicon Valley entrepreneurs.

Well, this is a well known mental disorder: hipomania

Hypomania is a state very close to manic depression – just so strong that the affected person can still connect to reality. And that’s “just” – just enough to build companies.

What about venture capitalists?

According to Marc Andreesen – Netscape and the eponymous venture capital fund that has created several thousand billion dollars (no, that’s not a typo!) in the last 30 years:

“venture capital is 100% the business of exceptions, deviations from the average. If we just tick everything – it’s not enough. There has to be something out of the ordinary. These companies have serious shortcomings anyway. The basic principle of the venture capital industry should be: if you don’t focus on looking for companies with significant (!) shortcomings – you won’t find big winners. All of the big winners have serious deficiencies.”

And then back to my tattoo – or: one of the foundations of personal success

You need to know which category you belong to: dandelion or orchid.

And you have to live by it.

The environment is everything. Search for a company, situation, country that suits this. Create situations for yourself: where, if you are an orchid, you can build on your strengths – because then the positives outcomes will prevail. You will soar.

But by all means: be yourself.

And know what makes you excited.

Because according to Gallup’s research: if you spend as many hours a day as you can on what you are good at: less stress, you laugh and smile more.

And then the tattoo!? For an orchid: I needed it. Just because – and that’s it. Because this is non-standard stuff.

And how can you be a good father or mother?

You can’t relive your childhood.

But: in the case of your children: notice if they are orchids.

And: take care of them when you see that they are.

If they don’t even notice this: help them. Don’t force it, but help them to figure it out.

Personal story: both of my daughters are orchids. Not just a little – but a lot 🙂

Well – genes, you know. 🙂

And: if your children are dandelions: notice that too, even if you are an orchid. Find them a school, help them take their first steps in life accordingly.

Afterword

From July 2022, we worked together with a so-called with an accelerator run by a Silicon Valley venture capital company.

Jeanette was one of our mentors.

She is passionate about building businesses. Just like I am. Well. Look at this other photo of her.

What is coming for 2023?

2023 will be an adventurous year. With huge opportunities.

We execute what we (also) learned from this accelerator. And much more.

We have to grow. And we will.

In our companies and in ourselves.

In our companies, we also use the “selected”, “filtered” management models: slowly, there will be real HR (there will be performance evaluation, we have been trying this for 10 years, it always passes away, maybe now!), project office, time tracking, profit tracking and the rest .

But the most important thing is market development.

That pulls the rest: if there is no customer  – there is no future. You always have to prioritize: you can’t do everything –  all at once.

That is, we apply a little of things in suits, and a lot of things with with the tattoo on. First we have to plant orchids – then when we have them growing: we automate gardening. First the tattoo – then the suit.

For that, I have to change too. It is a common wisdom, but: I need to change constantly. I will write an article about this as well, soon: about another method that helps me personally to change. Think of changing effectively – and significantly. That is something.

Now I need to go – anywhere on the planet.

I am kidding. Or not? Do I ever make jokes?